When Your Whole Life Changes...

What do you do when you realize that you have given up everything for one thing?
What do you do when the friends you once had are no longer?
What do you do when you find that your family just doesn't understand?
What do you do when you notice all your hopes and dreams have been exchanged?
What do you do when you finally figure out it's all about ONE?

You fall on your knees in extravagant worship of the ONE who made it all worth it. You commit your everything to Him forevermore because He is the only thing worth your everything. I am so incredibly blessed to know the God-Man Jesus Christ who loves me and calls me His bride! I am so in love with Him, I am lovesick for more of Him. The truth always has been and always will be that it's all about Jesus! It's all about His love. He is the friend that will always be there at 3am to cry with and hold me. He is the one who never leaves me, no matter how I mess up. I have been abandoned over and over again in this world but now I am in love with the one who will never abandon me or forsake me. He is my new family, He's always been my Daddy, my love, my best friend, my counselor, and I just had to invite Him to be those things for me. My hopes and dreams have all been exchanged for the things of heaven. I didn't give up my dreams for misery, I gave them up for bigger dreams, dreams I never would have thought possible before, dreams that will have eternal impact not just earthy momentary effects.
When I really figured out in my own heart that it's all about Jesus and I was willing to give up my biggest dreams and desires to Him, I felt more free, more alive, more hopeful, than I ever have before. I am finally truly in love, I am blessed beyond belief. My Husband will really never die, I don't ever have to worry about being left alone without a provider, protector, and love, He will always be there, always!

Thank you Jesus, I love you more and more everyday!

Opportunities Missed & Time Well Wasted

This saying was originally a sarcastic sentiment aimed at the disappointment and frustration felt during a deployment to Afghanistan when my expectations weren't met, and my advise was not followed. Today I see in in a new light, I realize how often I am guilty of this in my own life. I have so many opportunities everyday to meet with the Lord, to encounter Him, to be in His holy presence; and I manage to miss them all the time. I am wasting my time on the good things and missing out on the best that He has for me. I lay in bed at the end of the day and realize how little time I spent with Him yet again. Jesus is supposed to be the one I love, my Husband, best friend, counselor, and so many other things, but most importantly Lord of my life. I don't act like it when it comes to the way I spend my time and energy. I can easily push through and stay up until 3,4,5, 7 in the morning with friends playing games and hanging out, but when it comes to the one who died for me I am constantly too tired or too busy.
I have a million things in my life I want to change, to do differently, to become, but most of all I just want to spend more time with Him; I want to spend all my time in His presence. If I can just manage to give Him more of me and more of my time the other things that need changing will transform in His presence because the imperfections cannot exist when I am in Him and He is in me.
So this year my resolutions are all going to be dependent on Him and spending more time with Him. I want to do so many things; I want all those things to only be done in His strength and His will. I want the changes this year to come from His heart not mine. I have goals but they are in my open palm, I have no grip on them. He gives and takes away. If I don't accomplish anything this year besides spending more time with Him, being in His will more, listening to His heart more attentively; then I think I have still accomplished the greatest goal.
God always provides for me, He blows me away every time, I am never disappointed. His decisions have always been best, mine have always been second rate at best. I want to put my trust and my life in the hands of the one who has the greatest interest in it. To Him be the glory, to Him be all honor, to Him be praise.
I want this year to be different, I want to miss less opportunities. I want to hear His voice more, and more clearly. I want to know Him more intimately. I don't want to prioritize Him to the bottom of my to-do list. I want to instead make my days revolve around finding the maximum amount of time to dedicate to Him alone. I pray that my time this year is not wasted on all the good but lesser things. I pray for wisdom to know when to say no and when to say yes. I pray that I may receive all He has for me this year, I know it's a lot and it will be incredible if I choose to give Him the permission and time to move and work in my life.