Single

It really is an alternative lifestyle to be totally and completely satisfied with being single and not have that singleness rooted in bitterness, anger, or hurt of any kind. In this world it is all about never being alone or pretending that when you are alone it's because you chose it. It's all about how to get the attention of the man you work with or see in the grocery store or find on the internet. We all desire to be loved and cared for that's how we were created so it makes sense that we would always be seeking after it and longing for that connection with someone. I'm not single because I want some high-power career or don't want to be "tied down"; I am single because I have found that as crazy as it sounds Jesus really is enough. To be honest I can't imagine ever being married without having this revelation of the joy and blessing of singleness. I used to think people who said things like this were just crazy and didn't understand me. The truth is they just had a huge amazing revelation of the love and sufficiency of Jesus Christ that I had yet to grasp. I am still not fully there, I am working on it, and I am pursuing Him as my love and passion.

The only way I am able to sit here and talk about anything even close to this is because of His love and grace. God has taken me through a year of intense healing and restoration from my past filled with sexual immorality and divorce. I needed to learn that God loved me and did not disqualify me from being loved and cherished just because of my past. We all have a past, and truth be told a present, life of sin and disobedience. It's a process and you learn and grow everyday, sometimes you stumble and fall, sometimes you leap and run. Life is about one thing, loving and following Jesus Christ with everything you have. We make it so complicated, He isn't hard to follow, our flesh is just hard to kill. It is painful to wake up everyday and pick up your cross again, put on the mind of Christ again, and not take it off when it gets tough. Our very nature desires sin over God, so there is always going to be a battle this side of heaven. Obedience isn't difficult because of the things God asks us to do, nothing is impossible with Him and His strength. We simply don't have the faith to believe He is capable. We don't take the time to tune our ears and hearts to His voice, and then we claim confusion over what is His leading and what is not. Most often the thing you want to do least is the thing He is asking you to do and you are just trying to avoid doing the difficult thing. Not always, but most of the time.

So, I couldn't do any of this on my own, at least not successfully, and I wouldn't want to. I am weak and human and sinful. It is not fun but totally and completely worth it, every time another part of my old sinful flesh dies and more of Him becomes alive in me. I have more joy and freedom than I ever imagined possible. Being single isn't always a life-long decision and I'm not sure that it is for me but it is a season of blessing and joy that you will never get back once you are married. I could never ever imagine having this taken away from me, I am so selfish with the time He has given me, I will never get another chance to spend all my time with Jesus if I am married. This is a sacred and blessed time of preparation and immense joy. I definitely never thought I would be saying any of these things but I never thought this much joy and love and happiness was possible either. With God the impossible is possible and I am so grateful for that.